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Bathroom Humor

Why did the elephant go in the mens room?
He wanted some nuts

When does Denzel Washington have to hang out with Rugrats?
Potty Training Day.

What did the poo say to the fart?
You blow me away.

Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
He wanted to get to the bottom.

If your American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?
European

Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine?
Line dancing at a nursing home.

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack!

Why did the cop sit on the toilet?
To do his duty.

Why does the elephant bring toilet paper to the party?
Because he is a party pooper.

Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.

What do you call a bathroom Superhero?
Flush Gordon.

Where do bees go to the bathroom?
At the BP station!

Why did the baby put pennies in his diaper?
It needed to be changed.

What did the kid say to the toilet?
Toilet, Did you order a number two because i have one ready for you.

Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
Because they don't want to give away their IP address!

What would you find in Superman's bathroom?
Superbowl.

Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
Because he was pissed off.

What do you call a fairy using the toilet?
Stinker bell!

What do you sing after your girlfriend clogs up the toilet?
"Mop In The Name Of Love"

Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?
Because its finger licking good!

How did the blind women parents punish her?
They stuck a plunger in the toilet.

What do you get when you combine the Sham Wow and a Snuggie?
A reason to pee in your pants!

What do you get when you mix castor oil with holy water?
A religious movement.

Why doesn't Chuck Norris have to flush the toilet?
He scares the shit out of it!

Why did they install a toilet at the garbage heap?
Every one had to take a dump.

How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
One but you would have to slice him very thinly

What do you call a country where everyone is pissed?
A urination.

What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
You look flushed!

Yo mama so fat when she sat on the toilet it sang abcdefg get your fat butt off of me.

"Hi my name is Charmin and you must be the shit 'cause I want you all over me."

I love my toilet. We've been through a lot of shit together.

Poop Jokes are not my favorite but they are a solid #2

I had a nightmare where I couldn't wipe my ass. It was the shittiest dream ever.

On a scale of one to ten urinate.

Confucius says, "Man who dig for watch in toilet, bound to have shitty timing".

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Urine.
Urine Who?
URINEsecure don't know what for.

A wife sent her husband a romantic text message. She wrote:
"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you ate crying, send me your tears.
I love you".
Her husband texted back:
" I'm in the toilet, please advise.

Marriage
One guy is in love with a girl

He goes to the girl's father and says "I want to marry your daughter."

The father says "With the money you have you can't even pay for my daughter's toilet paper."

The guy say's, "Don't worry, i'm not going to marry a girl who is full of crap."

Bathroom Call
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush,something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls."
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says... "You idiot!"
"You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Musical Toilet
So there is a musical toilet and whoever sits on it,the toilet will sing you a song.
So the first guy, Bob, went in and came out and a guy, Larry, asked "What did it sing for you?" and Bob said "Amazing Grace"
And another guy, Sam, went in and came out and Larry asked "What did it sing for you?" and Sam said "Star Spangled Banner"
And another guy, Jerry, went in and came out but when he came out from sitting on the musical toilet he looked very embarrassed and Larry asked "What did it sing for you?"
And Jerry answered "Do you see what I see?"

Bathroom
Boy: Can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet
Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz
Teacher: Where's the p?
Boy: "Half way down my leg."

Womens Bathroom
This guy was on a plane and he really had to pee. He went to the back of the plane and there was a line for the men's room.  So, he asked a female to see if there was anyone in the ladies room. She responded no, go ahead in there but don't press any of the buttons. He said alright. he went to the bathroom, relieved. He saw the buttons and decided to push them anyway thinking "what could go wrong?" 

The first button he pushed was blue, he goes bbrrrrrr, that's cold having cold water spray into his ass hole. 

The second button was red and he goes "oh that feels really good. How come there aren't any buttons like these in the men's room?" 

The last button he pushed was a white button with the letters ATR on it. The next thing he knew he woke up in a hospital. 

He asked the nurse "why am I in the hospital?" she responded "because u hit the ATR button" laughing hysterically while she said it. 

He said "what's so funny? what does ATR mean?" 

She responded automatic tampon remover.

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